You’re Allowed To Make Mistakes
Therapy For Perfectionism in California
You’ve always been the person who has it all together, the one that everyone relies on, the accomplished one. Always a straight-A student, the friend that others turn to after a major breakup, the meticulous employee who hits a home run with every project. Your life seems picture-perfect on the outside, but you feel you are shouldering so much on the inside. Lately, the pressure to keep up is mounting and it is no longer feeling sustainable.
It makes sense that you’re feeling this way. You’ve been aiming for extremely high expectations for as long as you can remember. You were that child who ripped up those nearly finished drawings and started over again. All because of a frustrating little mistake that you couldn’t fix. You were that middle schooler who got a few questions wrong on a math test and then doubled down on studying. You were that high schooler whose world crumbled when you got accepted to your second-choice university, but not your first. You’ve been that stressed out, anxious perfectionist for as long as you can remember.
The life of a perfectionist is not all it’s chalked up to be. It’s hard to keep all those juggled balls up in the air, with precision, AT ALL TIMES. But the thought of dropping one creates an overbearing sense of inadequacy and self-defeat. You justify that your incredibly high standards have allowed you to reach your biggest milestones. Truth told, the perfectionist qualities that you believe have kept you on track in life, are also the very ones that are breaking you down. You’re running on stress and anxiety on most days. You get frustrated with yourself, irritated towards others, and spend way more time and energy than necessary to get things done. Overthinking and overwhelm often leads to procrastination. The self-critic comes out when things go wrong and the cycle repeats itself. It’s not helpful and you’re tired.
What is Perfectionism?
Perfectionism is a personality trait characterized by overcontrol, exceedingly high expectations, self-criticism, and rigidity. Avoidance of failure, disappointment, and shame, are generally the driving forces behind perfectionism. Perfectionists place tremendous importance on achievement and tie it to their self-worth. Perceived failure creates a sense of unworthiness, triggers shame, and can cause one to feel anxious. The way to keep all those difficult feelings tucked away is by maintaining high levels of achievement and avoiding failure and mistakes. This leads to a greater sense of worthiness and pride. But it also reinforces the underlying fears and maintains the avoidant behaviors.
A society that places high value on success and achievement is the perfect ingredient for reinforcing perfectionistic traits. Praise and other favorable consequences keep perfectionists wanting to continue overdoing and overperforming. The reward feels so validating, but it comes at a cost. The more perpetual the cycle, the more one relies on this external validation. We’re not meant to be perfect. Being imperfect is what makes us human.
Perfectionism in itself is not a diagnosis, but it has been linked to mental health issues. Some of these include depression, anxiety, eating disorders, OCD, and others. Perfectionism can also lead to self-esteem issues, relationship issues, and burnout. Fear of failure can stunt growth by causing anxiety and avoidance of challenges.
The overwhelm caused by one’s high expectations can lead to chronic procrastination. One might dedicate excessive time to unimportant details that don’t add value to the task. This might look like spending too much time on font size and color, rather than the actual content of the presentation. Or one might get stuck overthinking small decisions. That might be spending too much time researching and reading reviews for the best blender- only to end up feeling overwhelmed and postponing the purchase for weeks (good example of “analysis paralysis”). When this behavior is habitual with nearly everything in life, it can deplete one’s mental and emotional energy and affect their wellbeing.
You’re an anxious perfectionist and the overthinking and self-imposed expectations are tiring you out.
Shed the 'Anxious Perfectionist' title. Therapy for Overthinking and Perfectionism in California can help. Click below to schedule your intro call!
You may benefit from Therapy for Perfectionism in California if you find yourself:
Holding unrealistic or unattainable standards and expectations.
Feeling insecure and inadequate when something doesn’t go as hoped.
Beating yourself up after making a mistake and dwelling over it.
Engaging in black-or-white thinking (if it’s not perfect, then it’s not good at all.)
Fearing failure deep in your core.
Emphasizing the outcome with little regard for the process.
Overthinking even the smallest decisions because you don’t want to make the wrong one.
Tying your self-worth to your performance and achievements.
Procrastinating because you’re overwhelmed by your expectations. The thought of completing a task to a less-than-perfect standard causes you to avoid it.
Relying too much on the approval and validation of others.
Feeling frustrated and critical when things aren’t done “right”.
Defending yourself anytime you receive negative feedback.
Online Therapy for Overthinking and Perfectionism in California can help you:
Develop a more compassionate self. You will learn to kindly quiet down your inner critic.
Identify unhelpful thought patterns, limiting beliefs, and learn more adaptive ones.
Build up your self-worth by developing a new and more helpful narrative.
Create flexibility with your expectations towards yourself and others.
Strive for excellence rather than perfection- learn to stop at ‘good enough’.
Spend less time on irrelevant and time-consuming details.
Set more realistic and achievable goals that you can tackle with less procrastination.
