Self-Compassion in OCD Recovery: Insights from an OCD Therapist in Los Angeles
Have you ever heard of a Chinese Finger Trap? It’s a small cylindrical toy made out of woven bamboo strips. The game involves placing your index fingers in each open trap end and pulling them out to free them. The concept seems easy at first. However, the more you pull outward, the tighter the bamboo grips you. It seems counterintuitive, but the way out is by gently pushing your fingers inward to loosen the trap. In other words, leaning in and not using force to escape.
Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD) can feel similar to the Chinese Finger Trap. The more you try to escape disturbing thoughts and distress, the bigger the struggle. This becomes a cycle that feels impossible to get out of. Soon, other layers, like helplessness, frustration, self-judgment, etc., get piled onto an already painful experience and compound it. Things feel messy and magnified. The practice of self-compassion can help to cope with existing pain in a kinder and more supportive manner that prevents further layering.
As an OCD therapist in Los Angeles, I find it important to incorporate self-compassion in therapy. I’ve seen how the practice of self-compassion can help clients cope with the challenging parts of their recovery journey. Let’s explore this practice and some ways to implement it.
What is self-compassion?
In simple terms, self-compassion is offering kindness towards yourself. Offering yourself the same care and understanding you might offer to a beloved friend or family member. By acknowledging, validating, and recognizing the humanness in your painful experience, you can stay with what is and not add more to the suffering.
Dr. Kristin Neff is a leading clinician and researcher in the area of self-compassion. According to Dr. Neff, self-compassion is based on three principles:
Self-kindness: Being gentle and understanding with oneself rather than harsh and critical.
Common humanity: Understanding that human pain and suffering are something we all experience, even when it feels like we are the only one.
Mindfulness: Observing and acknowledging our experiences without judgment.
How can self-compassion help with OCD recovery?
One of the things I’ve seen is clients being self-critical of themselves when they are dealing with challenging obsessions, especially when they are taboo in nature. They will often wonder what is wrong with them, why this is happening, and get stuck on the unfairness of having to deal with OCD. The truth is that it is a terrible situation. It’s painful and it sucks. And at the same time, the harsh inner dialogue magnifies this emotional pain. The isolation can make you feel like you are the only one dealing with this.
In addition to that, I see how clients might get stuck in self-judgment during OCD treatment. Progress is not linear and sometimes it’s hard to grasp that when you’re deep in it. Maybe you’ve had weeks of success, and something throws you off. It can be hard to see the big picture and recognize that some weeks will be harder than others. This can be particularly challenging when you are engaged in a treatment like Exposure and Response Prevention Therapy (ERP), which requires confronting your fears and resisting compulsions daily.
What are some ways to practice self-compassion with OCD?
Self-compassion is a practice that takes time to develop. However, implementing it consistently can be very powerful. And not just with your OCD recovery but with other life challenges. Here are a few ways to begin adapting self-compassion in your life and OCD recovery:
Talk to yourself as you would to a friend
When dealing with a tough moment, ask yourself, “What would I say to a close friend who is going through this same situation?” You’ll likely offer them kindness and encouragement rather than criticism or blame. Practice doing the same for yourself. You are worthy of getting that same treatment. Shift how you respond to those distressing obsessions or when you experience a setback in treatment. Instead of a self-critical response like, “Why can’t you just get through this?” try validating. A compassionate response might be, “You’re facing something challenging and working hard to get better. One setback doesn’t erase your progress, you’ve got this.” The last thing you need is to be self-critical and induce shame when feeling down in the dumps.
Acknowledge without judgment
Sometimes we get stuck in pushing a struggle away because we hate that this is our reality. But rather than fighting or denying this fact, take a moment to acknowledge it. Fighting it can keep us stuck, feeling frustrated and helpless. Acknowledging without judgment means we accept it even if we don’t like it. You can try a self-compassion statement like, “This is so hard, and it’s okay to feel this way.” Working through the pain means allowing space to feel it without rushing it away.
Practice taking an observer role
Taking an observer role means stepping back from your thoughts and feelings and viewing them without judgment. You can take a curious stance: “My mind just threw a really scary thought at me. Interesting.” This is like watching your thoughts and feelings pass by without reacting to them, controlling them, or getting tangled in them. Work on not attaching meaning or judgment and just letting them be.
Celebrate the wins, no matter how small
Managing OCD is a process, a journey. And no journey follows a singular perfect path. We might get stuck at a crossroads or divert before finding our way back to the main path. But every step counts because it has helped you move closer to your destination. That may be giving yourself credit for interrupting a compulsion, even if you did not fully resist it from the start. Take a moment to acknowledge your progress and celebrate those wins that will continue to build. Share it in therapy, your OCD specialist will likely be asking and wanting to celebrate with you!
Use physical touch
The use of physical touch can help create a sense of comfort for some. For others, it might feel too activating. That is ok, see what works for you. Some physical gestures of self-compassion include placing your hand or fist over your heart, wrapping your arms around yourself in a hug, holding one hand in the other, placing your hand(s) on your cheek, or placing your hand on your stomach.
Connect with others
We often feel alone in our struggles. Sometimes individuals with OCD feel like they are the only ones dealing with this and it can be very isolating. Common humanity is about connection. Remind yourself that you aren’t alone in this. Consider connecting with others who share similar stories and experiences via an online forum or support group. Connecting through your challenges can be more helpful than separating and isolating yourself.
For more resources on self-compassion, visit Dr. Neff’s self-compassion website here.
